Depression sucks. This week hit me harder than I expected and I can't describe the half-awake, numbness that I've been experiencing. It drains me of all energy and motivation. And I even had no desire to really eat or to shower this time around, which has never happened. I don't know what's got me feeling this low, but I'm trying to get by and keep the kids alive. So, workouts and whatnot are on the backburner until I can gain the strength to climb up out of this dark hole I found myself in.

Today was a rather lazy day for me. I still did the laundry and dishes, picked up after the kids, and cleaned up some random messes throughout the hours, but overall I was reading or watching documentaries (when I wasn't making the kids something to eat). By this evening I thought I wouldn't have the energy or motivation to workout, but it came to me. I completed a full hour of upper body toning exercises. And then finished it off with half an hour of walking (and a bit of dancing to Shakira for some added cardio). Like yesterday, I haven't been wearing my apple watch, but wore it for my workouts and my move and exercise goals have already been met in this hour and a half alone!

Tomorrow is a cardio day and I think I may try some old school Tae Bo or a kickboxing workout... we shall see!

Sunday was a much needed rest day. Not only was I sore all over, but I could hardly stay awake in church. I've never felt so tired in all my life; I was in bed by 8:53.

This afternoon I spent an hour listening to my playlist and steppin' on my step. I worked on my abs for 15 minutes afterward, too. My hip flexors are hating me, but they'll get used to it.

Tomorrow is legs or arms or something. I put on my apple watch today just for the workout and managed to hit my move goal within both workouts so that was awesome. I think aiming for 450-500 calories per workout isn't too much of a stretch, especially on cardio days. We'll see what I can get in tomorrow!

Nine days down... 145 to go!

I can already feel a boost of confidence in this week of workouts alone! It's amazing what a good sweat session can do. If I can only get myself up and at 'em on days when I'm feeling crappy. What has helped is doing the workouts early on in the day, if I can, otherwise working out after the kids are in bed is the only down time I can manage.

Nonetheless, I got in around an hour on Friday and half an hour today. Friday I put on my summer playlist and used my step for half an hour right after my Flex Friday arm routine from TIU.

Today, I decided to throw it back to my old school summer routine. Since the hubby took the kids to his mom's, I had the whole day to myself. I slept in, watched a bit of Tudors drama, and then sweated it out to some of my favorite throwback routines from TIU's bikini series and love your body series for a leg, booty, and abs workout! I was shaking with every rep, but loved every second!

Tomorrow is my rest day and bible study day. I'm putting more research and thought into my Cultivating Confidence plan, since I'm new to intuitive eating, and since I'm still right at the beginning of this journey myself, I'll share more about what I'm doing specifically when I can tweak a few things. Although, I'm loving the confidence boost I'm feeling already; excited to see what the next few weeks will bring!

Wednesday night I got my jam on and it. felt. AMAZING! Les Mills Body Jam never misses a beat and I am left wanting more! Dance Like Nina should definitely be on your rotation if you love dance workouts. The music and the moves make me feel 10 years younger!

Thursday morning and afternoon was spent at the pool with my sister and the kids. How awesome is it that we both had our boys followed by our girls? It's a blessing for them to have someone to grow up with so close in age.

Today was meant for arms, but I'm going to do that tomorrow afternoon before we celebrate my niece's birthday. And speaking of birthdays, my son is turning 7 in a few days! Time flies, so I have to make the most of what God is giving me!

Today I wanted to focus on my legs since I've been feeling pretty confident with them lately (mostly due to their new sunkissed glow). I have to tell you, adding a little color really gave my confidence a boost tenfold! I've got to look into spray tans!

This afternoon I picked three leg workouts to hit the inner and outer thighs, glutes, and hams. I went with a few old school Tone It Up YouTube videos. You can try them out here: inner and outer thighs routine, stop, drop, & booty pop, and the love your booty workout.

This evening Daniel and I took the kids out to ride their bikes and walked a bit (as well as pushed the itty bitty one around mostly so she wouldn't crash).

Now I'm ready for a shower and going to fall asleep before midnight! I am feeling good getting active again. Tomorrow is cardio day... and I think I feel a dance party coming on!

It's day 2 of 154! I'm putting my newfound knowledge of intuitive eating to work and slowly getting back into a routine again. So far, my goals are simple. Super simple. Easy peasy. I'm going to workout 15 times over the next 22 days (bonus points to me if I workout more!) and drink around 80 oz. of water a day. Two things I can COMPLETELY control, yes. I thought that would be the best place to start, instead of throwing myself into a completely new program or plan and try to accommodate everything around it, I'm accommodating everything to moi.

Why haven't I thought of this before?

I still don't have a name for this little plan of mine, but here's the basics.
Every 22 days I will:
implement up to seven healthy lifestyle habits, focus on affirmations based on intuitive eating and the Word, track my progress in my bullet journal, all while forming a daily spiritual and mindfulness practice to learn to appreciate the body God created for me and how to nourish it.

I figure focusing on 22 days at a time would be suitable, and progress monitoring around every 11 days. A few goals that I'm going to implement besides the workouts and 80 oz. or water are:
eating from home - to save money and cut back on fried and processed food
cut back on caffeine - to help lessen my anxiety and stressed out adrenals
veggies at every meal - to increase fiber intake and encourage my kids to eat healthier
and lastly, healthy dessert swaps - so I can still enjoy a treat without feeling deprived.

I think overall, tracking what I eat will help me keep in touch with portion sizes and how what I eat effects how I feel. Sleep is another issue, but once school resumes I will be in a better schedule since I will be waking up at the same time each day.

I'm looking forward to the next 152 days! I'll share what's coming up when I finally figure out what to call this plan of mine!

It has taken me days to sit down and write this because my mind tries to overwhelm me whenever I try to be productive. I can also feel my anxiety butting in more often, and it doesn't help that I have been existing on coffee and running of very little sleep.

I sat down this summer with a book on Intuitive Eating and it really opened my eyes to how disordered my thinking has been on dieting, health, and fitness. I like to think of myself as a fairly intelligent woman, but some of these lies and traps have their barbs around me so tight I can't separate what's "me" and what isn't anymore.

Add onto that the pressure to be thin, especially after having children, and it's a recipe for pure and total disaster.

Once upon a time I didn't experience food guilt.

Once upon a time I didn't categorize food as "good" or "bad."

Once upon a time I went about my day without thinking about my next meal hours before the time to eat arrived.

Once upon a time I ate because I was alive and because I liked what I ate.

Now, I feel shame after each meal if it isn't perfectly "healthy," beat myself up for eating a food from my DO-NOT-CONSUME list, obsess about what to eat and when to eat and how to eat, and end up overeating because I feel like I have no control.

AFFIRMATION #1: I am in this world, but I do not conform to the rules of this world. I am being transformed by the renewing of my mind to the perfect and pleasing will of God.

Intuitive Eating is taking things back to basics. I love the thought of dumbing it all down and just brushing off what all those food docuseries are trying to tell me to fear. Intuitive Eating allows you to get your power back. It takes the focus off of those negative rules that dieting inflicts and tells the nasty food police to bugger off!

I need Intuitive Eating in my life for a few reasons:
1) I don't want my food to control me,
2) I don't want my children to face the same obstacles as I am, and
3) I want to inspire other people to kick their diets to the curb and enjoy food as God meant for us, too!

Intuitive Eating is comprised of 10 principles:
1) Reject the Diet Mentality
2) Honor Your Hunger
3) Make Peace with Food
4) Challenge the Food Police
5) Feel Your Fullness
6) Discover the Satisfaction Factor
7) Cope with Your Feelings Without Using Food
8) Respect Your Body
9) Exercise to Feel the Difference
10) Honor Your Health with Gentle Nutrition

Of course, I'd love to lose weight. However, I'm not having the same experience that I used to have because I'm having trouble believing in myself with this all-or-nothing attitude I've picked up. I'm not making a living being healthy and fit, but I still want to enjoy the body God gave me and take care of it. So, at first I can't focus on pure weight loss, I'm going to have to focus on loving myself and taking care of myself in the beginning of the process and it will all start to balance out once I can really overcome this perfectionist mindset.

I've started working through the Intuitive Eating Workbook and will be documenting those activities and exercises here when I can. I figure, if I'm going to start showing my body the love and care it deserves, then I need to start doing the things that I enjoy - like writing on this blog! I'm going to have to start exercising for more than just "losing weight" but because it makes me feel good to get up and dance or kickbox!

And that's my glow-up plan for the rest of this year. A lot of grace, a lot of gentle nourishment, and a whole lot of love as God blesses me with life to continue on this journey. Essentially, I want to go back to basics and eat for nourishment and pleasure and what makes my own unique God-created body feel its best.

Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God. ROMANS 12:2

Thanks for stopping by the blog today! I look forward to writing all about my Intuitive Eating journey!