The first few months of this year have flown by! It's nearly summer and I feel like I'm still stuck in dreary winter depression. Although the grass is greener and the sunshine is calling me out, I'm a little embarrassed because I don't feel like I'm "summer ready."

I remember the years when I lived for summer. It's crazy how extra pounds can steal so much joy from someone. Why is it so much easier to gain than to lose weight? Why is it so much easier to live in complacency than to live out your dreams?

One dream I have is to wear my wedding rings again.

It's been over a year since I've been able to wear the three bands together. My husband has offered to have them resized for me, but part of me is hesitant because I don't want to accept that "this" is where I am.

I gained weight as a side effect of my depression and anxiety. A lot of people lose weight but for me, eating was the only way to numb myself, calm myself, and avoid all of my inner turmoil. I kept feeding these habits - literally - and ended up with the extra pounds to show it.

Now, its tough breaking the cycle. So far, I've been successful for two nonconsecutive weeks. I know that I am capable, but consistency has been difficult.

Some evenings I feel too tired to cook. So I plan to fail.
Some days I feel like it's my last day to enjoy food. So I plan to fail.
Sometimes I feel like I can just start later. So I plan to fail.

Funnily enough, I enjoy planning to progress, but following through is such a struggle for me. And then every time I pass those shiny diamonds that my husband bought me, I feel a little dimmer and the guilt of not being able to wear them breaks my heart.

Is the goal of wearing my rings again a poor choice? I don't think so? I do believe if I lose enough weight they will fit me just like before. But it's going to take effort. It's going to take time. It's going to take consistency, discipline, and being uncomfortable for a while.

I'm starting an accountability group for the month of May. If you want to join me, I'd love to be able to encourage you to work for your goals as well! Just comment here or send me an email at: jointhecrew@currentlykendra.com.

It's not too late for you and me!